Far from bliss, the consequences…¬©

This blog is my response to an article in  the Metro newspaper posted by a friend on Facebook recently. I have given my response here more body  and volume mostly because I am so over the blind that refuses to see and leaves us all open to comeuppance.

The article title…

“I will not stop talking about the racism I face even if it means I lose my job.”

By Eunice Olumide, 14 May 2019, 14:00

And she did lose her job…search for the article if interested.

My response:

“A good book for people who still find it difficult to talk about racism, is ‘White Fragility, why it’s difficult for white people to talk about racism,’ By Robin Di Angelo… And for those fragile egos- which frankly I no longer feel the need to pander to, being Pro-Black does not mean being anti-white!

I too will always be talking on subjects true, that are STILL difficult to face, and discuss, like racism, sexism/misogyny, domestic violence, child abuse, mental health, etc..

Over the years I have learnt that there will always be those who do not wish to know and recognise social injustice, which is, in effect, operating from the unconscious psychological defence mechanism of denial; so I no longer waste time and good energy trying to enlighten them any more, as it’s their lesson to learn, or not. But¬† please note that your (unconscious) refusal to learn and see, leaves the back door, historcally, wide open for maggots the likes of Trump, Nigel Farage, white supremacists, Nigel and other racist politicians springing up by the dozens in 2019, with their main goal being to cast aspersions, create division, and disharmony. These are the ‘dark’ forces we are to be mindful of, not black folks.

So make up your minds deniers as we can’t solve a problem by not squarely and sincerely¬† looking it; and you can bet your bottom dollar that if a problem is not being faced and adequately dealt with, the problem is only going to get worse. And sadly, us knuckle head human beings seems to prefer learning lessons the -who don’t hear must feel- hard way…And those of us who don’t operate like that, myself included, still¬† will suffer “collective consequences,” seeing that we are all in this world together.

And a note to the wise, it is not black people’s responsibility to educate and prove to ignore-rance that racism is still very much alive and kicking; just like it is not battered women and/or abused children’s responsibility to¬† educate ignorance about domestic violence and its¬† far reaching consequences; nor to prove to you that they have indeed been abused. People we need to stop ‘victim blaming,’ as it is deeply psychologically wounding! Albeit, it may be a wound we do not physically see, but we all physically feel it when unprocessed hurt, and what seems like ‘senseless’ revenge, comes a knocking, sometimes indiscriminately. Read the paper; listen to the News, there are tens of thousands different examples.

As the human race we need to come out of kindergarten on these matters, as we still¬† have things incredibly mixed up. So I bid you, take care of your own learning, face the social facts and release the need for Ignore- rance because it is far from bliss and comes with far reaching and receding consequence – for each and everyone of us…None of us stands outside of hatred’s intolerance of difference,¬† and its unreckoned with, and deeply buried, feelings of self- disgust, that us black folks, somewhat¬† like punching bags, end up bearing the brunt of…

Wake up!

Peace & love,

Light..

Over-Stand©

what follows is a response (with slight adjustments) I made on Facebook today on a Birmingham news feed from a discussion by some members of the black community in reaction to another young black man losing his life in this continuing youth violence epidemic:

“Such a complex issue requiring to be dealt with in its complexity. Knives don’t jump up and kill people- people kill people. Very sad crisis situation in our communities,¬† which has been a long time in the making. We must keep the hope and faith alive nonetheless, and contain our outrage, as such emotion running rampant making rash decisions and¬† passing judgement is inadvertently more destructive than constructive.

Also, each death tells its own particular story so we must resist the temptation to¬† use the “knife crime” label from painting its brush totally across the board. And remember the media operates on the¬† sensational tip, first and foremost. It’s¬† not interested in solving problems, just selling lots of papers.

I was thinking months back that, general, in regards to all/certain crimes it would be good to have a programme maybe called “After the News” that writes and reports on the beginning middle and end of a story we so are better informed and get to better understand the issues at hand and out of that understanding come up with solutions/responses that clean the root of the problem and bring to it more lasting & impacting change. For example, domestic violence homicides is ALWAYS in the news- up to two women ‘s bodies being found in the freezer recently, but it is not reported as domestic violence, so easily gets swept under the “too close to home, sweep that under the carpet” rug.

The world and its systems and institutions are broken,¬† much of what goes on today is a product of that. We live in a world that wants change without changing anything about itself. There is something malignant in the world that works against real & lasting change because that may mean being put ‘out of pocket’ and ‘privilege.’ ….Didn’t intend to share all this here but we must keep in mind a much bigger picture when coming at big issues. Peace and love you allūüíú”

Peace & Love,

Light..

Well Springs Within..©

I am currently re-reading ‘The Gift Of Our Compulsions’ by Mary O’Malley. In a nutshell the book encourages us to see our compulsions as Gifts; gifts because if we can stay still enough to understand them, we would find that at the heart and bottom of compulsion is a deep Wellspring waiting to fulfil and nourish us as no external thing ever truly can. No compulsion can give us the relief that we deep down need; nor even the relief we initially experienced when we first engaged in the compulsive¬†behaviour. And it is this very inability that makes the activity compulsive as it can never reach the underlying legitimate need.

Finding relief in compulsions is a bit like expecting eating a banana to quench your thirst when it is a drink that the body needs: the banana quenching your thirst is never going to happen. Indeed, the only thing the banana can do is temporarily distract you from how thirsty you are. You can’t fool the body, though we can spend our whole lifetime trying. The body¬†knows what it needs and will come back to get it. The body is well equipped at doing its job, and is as equally committed. And its job? Keeping us well and strong, across the board. We give the body very little credit for this. Both we and the world¬†very easily turn the body into ‘enemy’ then go on to treat it pretty badly, like it‚Äôs a robot without feeling and need.

In Mary O’Malley’s book we are also encouraged to not only change the way we view compulsions, but also to change the way we relate to them,¬† bringing the light of much needed¬† understanding and compassion to them, seen as they initially came into being to help us deal with and manage some great big difficult something. So there’s a way in which compulsions could be more readily resolved simply by seeing¬†compulsions as more friend than foe- a treatment that also takes the sting out of them.

Compulsions come to go, being set up to serve us at one time, not for all our lifetime. The process of allowing them to pass is not an easy one considering the condition of compulsion’s ferocious and desolate heart. Not easy, though possible.

Compulsive behaviours are all kinds of addictions, like gambling, alcohol & substance misuse, compulsive eating Рand all other forms of eating disorders; overworking, keeping busy, surfing the net, social media, shopping,  gambling, pornography, gaming: the list is exhaustive.

In the book the author offers many simple suggestions and exercises. The exercise I will share here with you is her idea of keeping a self-awareness diary.

A self-awareness diary.

Get yourself a diary and divide the page into 3 columns. At the top of the first column write: What is taking place now? In the second column write: what is happening with my compulsion, and on the top of the third column write: What am I experiencing inside?

My compulsive behaviour (of choice) from my early teens to mid-twenties was comforting eating which developed into Bulimia. My healing journey began when I went into therapy for the eating disorder. Currently I am not bulimic and do not compulsively eat so much. What I can still do is emotionally eat, sometimes eating foods that have no real nutritional content and value, but in the moment attempts to rescue me from difficult situations and feelings- and/or compensating myself for doing too much at the expense of my own life energy.

This feeling of too much comes up often in my demanding job, as well as being within a role that is one also of emotionally giving out: emotionally giving out and therapeutically holding survivors of traumatising domestic violence. Outside of work, I also have a couple of other challenges on my plate that takes from me in similar ways.

It is a testimony of how far I have come in my general healing journey, as well as in my¬† recovery from disordered eating, that I have not fallen back into bulimia’s misguided & crippling embrace, because currently (and ongoing for a good few years now) there is good enough reason to fall back into struggles with food. In the old eating disorder days I would have binged and purged for much less. Anyway,¬†with the current, on occasion, emotional eating I sometimes engage in, overall- and if I do say so myself, I have a good handle on it. However, this past week at work my self-awareness diary entry would have gone like this:

First column: The Situation- the pressures of work, especially after working with a highly anxious and traumatised client.

Second column: After meeting with this client I notice the need for something sweet, reassuring, and rewarding; I felt an ancient hungering and need for compensation. Indeed, an absent colleague¬†had left a packet of sweet oat biscuits on her desk right beside me, and I felt those biscuits taunting me with it wiles and¬† false promises of comforting “there, there, there”ūüėä Within the light of self-awareness, I consciously felt- and in so doing, released- the temptation to emotionally eat. I am now more able to sit with compulsion without, in reactivity, and immediately, taking the decision to act on it.

Third column: I can sit with the feeling of emotional drain, coupled with the feelings of tired and overwhelm, feelings already in the counselling room belonging to the client and being experienced by me in counter-transference. Similar feelings I am also currently experiencing in my own ongoing and challenging life situations. I can now sit with these feeling states, as well as with the¬†‘sucked dry’¬†bodily sensation of exhausted inner tensions.

And being, like I have already mentioned, well on the recovery road, I can tolerate and contain that kind of internal angst, and delay- and/or not engage, those inner compulsive drives in a way I never could at the beginning of giving bulimia up. I know that these difficult and painful feeling states can and do pass and I am now more familiar with the felt experience of their transmutation. So I no longer stand in Process’ way because the reward and relief gained from this level of self-acceptance feeds and sustains me better than compulsively acting out ever did, or ever could.

I am currently re-reading this book because I am feeling challenged on a number of fronts and I want to ensure that compulsion don’t try to sneak in through internal, unconscious, back doors. I want to keep that bolt on, as my suffering does not need, or deserve, more suffering added on!

And in regards to self-care, I do all those mind body spiritual things to keep me well- exercise, meditation, healthier eating, living more in the moment and having greater self-appreciation and Presence. I have also taken to, these past 6 weeks, gifting myself with a ‘PJ- stay in bed all day- Saturdays.‘ Even this is an achievement in and off itself as another one of my compulsions has been ‘overdoing and busy.’ Initially I had found taking this particular monkey off my back, and simply being and relaxing, painstakingly angst-filled and mind-numbingly boring. Now that “Insperience’ too has been mostly transformed.

All is a Process and takes time. It’s taken me 33 years to be where I am, as well as to more fully realise that The Nourishment and The Joy is in the journey itself, not the destination. So try not to worry yourself too much, because as such, we already have all the time in the world that we need and don’t have to wait ‘until’ some future date to truly In Joy¬†our lives and Being. To quote the author,

“I am not offering you a cure. that is the old style of thinking in which your healing happens sometime in the future. This process is about inviting you into relationship with what is right now, (difficult or otherwise), for that is where true healing lies.”

So, for those of you reading this blog and being not too long on Transformative Road, try keeping a self-awareness diary and see the lessons and wisdom it draws to you. Keep the diary somewhere you can make notes of what is happening both inside your body and out, throughout the day. For example, if your compulsion is with eating, keep the diary on the table in the kitchen. This exercise- and all good attention given to ourselves in this more compassionate & curious way, is exactly what is needed in the  very moment we reach for  our particular compulsions.

Much like a child reaching to be picked up by her mummy and be given ‘lap-time,’ which probably was the kind of thing that was missing and/or lacking when compulsion first entered the picture, just like that mother we need to reach down in those moments, pick ourselves up, and respond to our needs in more loving & appropriate self-soothing ways.

Indeed, think about that day when you first engaged the now problem behaviour… What did you really need at that time? What were you hoping the behaviour could give you…that you wasn’t getting? Is the penny dropping…?

Nothing has changed in the sense that these unmet needs are still t/here, in need of the right attention and care. And when you start giving attention to yourself in this more self-caring way, the self-awareness diary will help to shed light on the things in your life causing ongoing unhappiness and struggle. And in bringing all what ails you to attention, we are then called to do what needs being done to remedy the situation…even if that is simple acceptance: Acceptance of the truth of how situations in our lives currently are …

Discovering new ways to better change and lovingly  rock & hold, those things in our lives that make us truly uncomfortable.

And as we do so, may we live more assuredly In Peace, as we walk, more reassured, to the land of our- Sweet with Milk & Honey, Dreams..

Peace & Love,

Light..

 

 

I Accept; I Surrender…¬©

Surrender & Acceptance, my two Personal Powerhouse Assistants, that I am currently being called to make better use of.

Acceptance, Surrenders’ little brother, is asking of me, for psychological well-being, to allow all that is currently on my plate to simply be there, for however long it needs to be. To take this time in my life, one day at a time- and stretch that out further still when the going get even¬† more tough.

Troubles can come to feel like unwelcome visitors, overstaying their welcome and being totally indifferent to how incredibly challenged they can make you feel. And sadly I can inadvertently add to my suffering by trying to¬†resist them by ‘overthinking mental gymnastics,’ in the hope of being rid of them.

But alas, we all have our particular crosses to bear on this earth-plane. As some wise soul once said, “The rain rains both on the just and the unjust alike.” And as Existential philosophers and Buddhists have similarly said, there¬† is suffering in the world- that’s part of the deal of being in existence.

So the most and least we can do is not add to our suffering as doing so prolongs their stay and keeps suffering coming, again and again and again. The most Powerful, Healing and Peace-Inducing thing we can do with trouble is to Accept it, and as the 13th century Persian poet¬†Rumi invites us to do in his poem ‘The Guest House,’ meet our troubles at the door laughing, letting them in. I am not quite at the meeting my troubles at the door ‘laughing’¬†stage, yet.

Oftentimes hidden deep within our suffering is a gem of divine wisdom, waiting to be received as the joyous gift it is. But since we humans tend to like learning lessons the hard way, trouble has no choice but to keep come a-knocking, and sometimes banging at resistance door.

I used to think Acceptance was- and felt a lot like – defeat. Acceptance felt like giving in and choosing to be the loser. But it is not. There is Power in Acceptance.

There is Power and Peace in Acceptance, and at the heart of it, Simple Sweet Surrender – Acceptance’s Big Brother. In the act of Acceptance the old unyielding me Surrenders to the Authority¬†of Love. And in that risk taking vulnerability,¬†my soul feels reprieved: free to truly live and love and fully be, connected to That Inner Source that sustains the whole, and me.

The way to Surrender is through Acceptance. There is no other route. Also the act of Acceptance increases Trust, Faith and Patience in a Process under its own Influence.

And yes, in actual fact, Acceptance does feel like a defeat and death even- be it¬†more psychological in kind. It is the death/letting go of socially sanctioned old¬†and worn out habits, dying; hard. In Surrender we are saying, “I’m here, take me, as I am, and ought to be; take me in naked transparency. I commend my spirit to You. In You – and You in me- I am strong, incredulously even when I am weak.”

So, don’t get it twisted, Surrendering to Love is a great act of Courage and Inner Strength. Standing up -and falling down- for Love means following Her ‚ÄėTrue & Just‚Äô Ways, righteously balancing out The Scales, and as George Orwell once said- which also applies on the personal plane,

“The further a society drifts from the truth, the more it will hate those that speak it.”

Crucifying and assassinating the truth -tellers even. Then when they are dead & out of the way, giving them¬† Honour and Praise. Death, be it physical or psychological, is oftentimes the price that gets paid for living a life that is wholeheartedly right for you. That is why some people do run scared, rather than stand still and face their fears…

Therefore Surrendering to Love and following Love’s Ways, I say once again, is an act of Courage and Strength. It is also humbling and fills one with Grace.

Try Acceptance. Next time something not very pleasing happens to you, don’t¬†fight it- let it be, and let be the associated ‚Äėdifficult‚Äô feelings that comes with it. Start small and bear witness¬†to the Peace and Emotional Release that flows from bearing ‚Äėthe difficult‚Äô in this more Accepting way.

I have been particularly using the rush hour on the underground to further Strengthen this Practise of Acceptance. Practise makes Perfect. Practise makes good-enough humans, who for the most part, strive to treat others right, as they wish to be treated. Yes, that ancient old golden rule, which from kindergarten we should have already been schooled.

I don’t allow myself to get caught up (i.e. become unconscious) in the dense energy of competitiveness, fighting, pushing, shoving to get on the tube; to get a seat, and basically have things go, ALWAYS, the way that we want. I also Practise releasing the temptation to walk/move at that ‘Armageddon coming’ rat race pace. And if someone¬†pushes in front of me, I let them be.

The egotistical side of me did not at first find doing any of this Practise enjoyable, but the Peace that comes with not allowing one’s self to get caught up in fleeting unpleasant forgettable moments, is undeniable. And at the end of each day I am that little bit less stressed because I have not given as much of my Life Energy, unnecessarily, away.

Oftentimes¬†what serves me as a good reminder on this journey is in that moment when the temptation to engage in power struggles beckons,¬†I ask myself, “Is this random situation worth my Inner Peace? And worth me, through the daily build-up of stress, becoming dis-eased and unwell?” And for me,¬†for the most part, the reply is a resounding “Hell No!”

It is all still very much a work in Process, but like I said, the Growing & Lasting Inside- out Peace & Joy, is definitely more than worth it.

Peace & Love,

Light…

Joy In The Unknown…¬©

“The door to God is the insecurity of not knowing anything. Bear the grace of that uncertainty and all wisdom will be yours.” Adyashanti¬†

I am sure many of us have heard the term “fear of the unknown,” and/or have experienced it in our lives. Over the years, whilst reading various spiritual text and being on this self-transformation journey away from fear and toward love resting more securely deep within the core of me, I have come across the idea that there is nothing to fear in the unknown- with¬†NOTHING being the operative word.

It has taken me a minute to appreciate that the unknown is basically unknown, and therefore, basically unoccupied. All the fear we associate with the unknown comes from all the fear we project, and/or, dump into it- a bit like what gets done under the label of ‘racism.’ The unknown is an empty space: an empty space of Pure Potential; of Unconditioned consciousness.

Recently whilst re-reading Deepak Chopra’s ‘The Seven Spiritual Laws to Success,‚Äô what he had to say on the unknown and uncertainty resonated more deeply within me, especially at this present time. For the past year and a half specifically, I have been thrown into the unknown and am being called to have a more trusting and surrendered relationship with it; releasing the need for control.

In my childhood, and right through to now, I have made getting to know more about life, and all subjects relevant to life, my absolute business. During my formative years, having grown up in an atmosphere of the unexpected and the unknown, where I was left mostly alone and to my own devices, I had to figure life out myself and find ways to best be and live within it. Therefore, extricating some kind of control over life, and all things in it, became order of the days for me.

In whatever unobtrusive way I was able to gain some elementary illusion of control, and to create some kind of a plan, I took it. This gave me some hope, as well as helped me cope with extremely testy situations I faced back then. During that time, to not have had this control seeking coping mechanism, would have meant me totally losing touch and track with reality and falling completely into mental illness. Therefore seeking control saved me, psychologically- and spiritually.

In school, during adolescence, English, English literature and Sociology where the subjects I truly enjoyed because of my love as a child of reading and writing- and the much needed escape it afforded me. My love of sociology came about from this need to KNOW, as much as possible about life, not just for knowing sake, but for the sake of life not so easily coming up behind me and biting me in the butt. I am very much the kind of person who would rather know something- however awful- rather be than kept in the dark. For me ignorance is far from bliss! So the acquisition of knowledge gave me understanding on various topics, and in so doing afforded me a sense of further control.

This early need to know, and the fear experienced, (and traumatically lived),¬†of not knowing, made the unknown- whether a new and exciting situation, or a challenging and unexpected one, a very scary concept for me, unconsciously. Over the years I have come to carefully, and oftentimes painstakingly, dismantle fear after fear, giving up certain behaviours that used to help me manage my fears. For example, an eating disorder, not speaking up for myself, kissing frogs and trying to “make them” love me in the ways that I need; giving at the expense of myself, to multitudes of vampires waiting in line to happily suck me dry!

Having lived with so much fear in my formative years, no doubt releasing the need for fear will continue to be life’s work for me. For the likes of me – and others who too have lived through¬†Adverse Childhood Experiences- I don’t think there will ever be a point on this life journey when I am totally fear free; I am now very cool with that. I am a Survivor and¬†I honour, give voice to, and make beautiful those battle scars, especially through the transformative medium of creative writing and living my best life possible. Like an Eagle flying high, I over-came, and will continue to over-come as I journey on. I’m my own Shero! And today I can safely say, that fear no longer drives me: Hope, Faith and Love occupy my driver’s seat.

Like previously mentioned, currently I have one situation that has been 18 months ongoing, and has thrown me into the unknown in a very big way. And because it is a situation that involves a loved one and as such I am unable to assume full control (which of course there is no such thing), it can all have me, at times- which I don’t mind admitting, scared shitless; excuse my French. This is a situation I have never had to deal with before, let alone so up close and personal, so I am very much in territories unknown; though I am educating myself and learning loads.

This situation is much more of a marathon than it is a sprint, and comes with many ups and downs- though Up is always winning. And being spiritually-inclined as I am, I am able to find comfort in the following idea that,

“All things are working together for me- and my loved one- Greater Good.”¬†

All I can do is play my hand as best as I can and keep alert – and/or internally quiet enough to Hear my next step.

So this situation is a great teacher for me, and though I am far from learning its lessons, being still in the thick of it, in the greater scheme of things- and coming from such meagre beginnings- If I do say so to and for myself, I am doing very well!

The great lessons I am experientially learning- and I say experientially because reading a book about a thing is much different than living that situation and gaining the wisdom embedded deep within it; the main lesson for me is to resist the temptation of filling the unknown with a whole bag load of fearful thoughts and imaginings, as in the world I/we have been very well conditioned to do so. Instead, I am cultivating, and holding to, the metaphysical fact of the following,

“All of creation, everything that exists in the physical world, is the result of the unmanifest transforming itself into the manifest. Everything that we behold comes from the unknown. Our physical bodies, the physical universe- anything and everthing that we can perceive through our senses- is the transformation of the unmanifest, unknown, and invisible into the manifest, known, and visible”¬†Deepak Chopra

I believe- and can feel- that the empty land of The Unknown is rich & life-giving soil/soul, and when we find ourselves in The Unknown, we must be careful not to fill that deep, dark, vibrant soil with seeds of¬†fear and doubt. And if ‚Äď though more precisely when, fearful thoughts rises up again, don’t allow those divisive thoughts to have the last word. Instead root them out, and cover them over with, life-giving affirmations and/or prayers. One of my favourite affirmations that I use quite regularly is:

“I trust in The Process Of Life. I am safe.”

I also keep a number of quotes that resonates with me, close to me, acting as re-minders constantly, for example:

“When you bring consciousness to the moments in which you feel afraid or challenged, you will see that you can choose love and kindness over reactive emotional patterns.”

So the true and more productive attitude, and personal relationship we ought to have in regards to uncertainty and the unknown, is was one of excitement and joyful anticipation; is one of expectancy, like an excited expectant mother feels toward the bundle of joy that she is carrying, and will soon have to hold, in her hands: The Whole World, In the Palm of Her Hands.

Peace & Love,

Light..

 

When life tries to take over…¬©

In the midst of these renewed life focuses, a situation I was already managing, took a turn and currently has me, just about, keeping my head above the waters. Another great big life experience, one that I could have well done without, at times has me feeling like, very close to being tipped over this unexpected edge.

This situation is truly testing my resolve and is asking of me to dig even further in, to what already feels like dwindling inner reserves, still in need of built up. And in the midst  of all this, whilst life just ignorantly walks on by, I continue to be called, from a higher source, to self-actualize: to not lose sight of that purposed prize.

I have had this drive and awareness inside  since a child; one that keeps me keeping on and inclining to believe -and cultivate greater faith in, The Good that absolutely rules the world. I am to keep this in mind, and hold it in heart, paying little attention to the myriad ways, everyday, life presents itself. In the face of this new challenge, that assurance Is Still- and all ways- there.

So whilst a part of me wants to sink into despair and lament “why me!” ( and it deserves its feet stomping moments), another side of me whispers, “USE EVERYTHING.” Use everything life throws at me to sink more deeply into this Inner Knowing of The Good and True Essence of Real Life, that moves from the In-side.

So why not me? What makes me so special to be spared visitations from The Difficult?

And so, I roll up my spiritual sleeves and do what I am called from Greater Heights to do, whilst taking  the very best physical and psychological care of myself, that is humanely possible.

Peace & Love,

Light..

 

 

Presence In Absence…¬©

“In your absence is your presence,” (Jean Klein)

I found the above quote on Facebook this week and it really resonated with me, especially in regard to the challenge of quietening my mind, and giving it/I the Space to recline and take that much needed time out of mind. Sometimes it is genuinely hard cultivating this mindset- this mind-centred-set, if you like. At times I am aware of my choosing to stand in my own way by wanting to seek refuge in my mind in the old ways. I can feel that reluctant part of me wanting to cling to old habits and another part of me wondering if I should intervene, or not, even in light of my wanting more Peace of mind and clarity in thought.

The good news is, in the midst of all this, and my observance of it, there is that potent Creative Space; there is this Pause, this Gap, where one can make life-changing decisions, what with this Space being filled with the rich pickings of possibilities.

Even if in that moment the unconscious wins out, there is this Space Being Created where the light of consciousness is beginning to have more Presence and cover more ground: the beginning of the end of the old ways is at hand. When there is more Presence, there is such Peace & Quiet; like the sun finally breaking through on an initially grey and cloudy day, and the welcomed warmth the sunshine brings, that feels so wonderful on the skin- on one’s very Being.

And out of that clear blue sunny sky come the Awesome Thoughts belonging more to Divine Mind- if you have ever experienced that, and/or believe in such a concept. This is the Place where insights and inspiration seems to come ‘out of the blue/ethereal’ (out of the forever real). I think most of us has had this experience, this reveal-a-tion, at some point in our lives…

Take a moment‚Ķhave you ever had one of those moments when your mind emptied-out and you heard/felt/saw something new, however fleeting, which could not have made its Presence felt without your being absent-minded in this way? Without your being all-taken-up-in-thought and its mostly repetitive contents…? Creatives/Artists/Survivors-becoming-thrivers ¬†pay particular attention to these moments and attempts to capture and record them, as I am doing here, in my blogging.

Sometimes we are so attached to our thoughts to the extent that we believe every single thing we think, without even thinking to check our thoughts out against reality. Sometimes we are so attached to our thoughts that we don’t let anything new in, or out: we don’t open the curtain of the closed mind and let in a little sunshine.

Most of the great and advancing ideas that have¬†brought amazing things into existence in this world have come out of this absence of¬†being so full of ourselves, the world, and its contents. I believe that some of us are more temperamentally designed to have easier access and privy to this In-Tuition. We can all learn to cultivate and fine tune this Gift, as human beings we have that capacity- dare we give it the attention it needs to develop and grow. Many are called, but few choose to listen…few choose to In-tuit..

For example, some of you are going to totally get what I am trying to say here and others are going to think I am speaking total gobbledygook, and that is okay. Maybe I am-who is truly to say; who can truly have the last word on these things…

All I know is all I know, and all I know, I know through my experiences and the wisdom that has come out of those experiences as I attempt to make good on a deep desire to remain awake, live to potential, and have the best life experience humanly possible. This desire drives my life, which reminds me of the following quote,

¬†‚ÄúYou are what your deep, driving desire is. As your desire is, so is your will. As your will is, so is your deed. As your deed is, so is your destiny.‚ÄĚ Brihadaranyaka Upanishad IV. 4 .5.

All I know is that, even though a part of me is terrified of creating that Space, and allowing for that kind of self-absence, when I take that Leap of Faith, following the initial aftershocks, there is no denying the Peace, the Bliss, the Sweet Serenity that this kind of emptying-out brings. And in that Space I re-member that the void, the empty, the unknown, is not scary at all; that this kind of emptiness and absence triumphs over the traumatic emptiness that grows out of childhood wounds of significant loss.

In this Space there is deep healing and the kind of comfort & reassurance found in the unconditional loving arms of a mother rocking her frazzled and over tired baby to Sweet Peace, and Dreams: there’s no thing like it.

But, alas it takes time to convince the whole of me- and get the whole of me, on side. It is so compelling and tempting to slip back into unconsciousness, (into ignorance being bliss), especially when I run into old obstacles, like over-extending myself and not taking due rest- that is my Achilles’ heel. I can still inadvertently overwhelm myself by taking on way too much, emotionally and otherwise.

But I am learning and need to have a little more patience with myself- and¬† with The Process. As Garry¬†Barlow sang, “My heart is numb has no feeling, so while I‚Äôm still healing, just try, and have a little Patience.”

I think my next blog will be on Patience and The Process; that is appreciating it and having due reverence toward it. I would love to develop the kind of Patience the Tao Te Ching, translated by Stephen Mitchell, pays homage to in the following text,

“The ancient Masters were profound and subtle.

There wisdom was unfathomable.

There is no way to describe it;

all we can describe is their appearance.

 

They were careful

as someone crossing an iced-over stream.

Alert as warriors in enemy territory.

Courteous as a guest.

Fluid as melting ice.

Shapable as a block of wood.

Receptive as a valley.

Clear as a glass of water.

 

Do you have the patience to wait

till you mud settles and the water is clear?

Can you remain unmoving

till the right action arises by itself?

 

The Master doesn’t seek fulfilment.

Not seeking, not expecting,

she is PRESENT, and can welcome all things.”

This is the kind of Patience I wish to cultivate, and then share with y’all here. Though, now I am In-tuiting from Divine Mind, as I write, that I must set my focus too on the sentiments of the following quote:

¬†¬†‚ÄúSuccess is a journey not a destination,‚ÄĚ

I need to continue to harness and learn how to enjoy the Journey, in and of itself, that bit more, if only to ensure Presence does not get lost and RePlaced with living in the future of¬†‚Äúwhen this or that gets better, THEN this or that will happen;‚ÄĚ like happiness, fulfilment. Happiness is to be had Now, knowing how wonderfully Benevolent True Life actually Is. The reward is to be discovered Here and Now. The Joy is to be tasted Here and Now. Peace is to be experienced Here and Now. The time is Now.

Peace & Love,

Light…